(Cross-posted from The Stinker.)
Have you heard about the children’s book called Why Mommy Is A Democrat, and its companion book, Why Daddy Is A Democrat? The author, Jeremy Zilber, claims on his web site that the books “bring to life the core values of the Democratic party in ways that young children will easily understand and thoroughly enjoy. Using plain and non-judgmental language, along with warm and whimsical illustrations, these colorful 28-page paperbacks depict the Democratic principles of fairness, tolerance, peace, equality, and concern for the well-being of others.”
Um. Yeah, right.
From the sample pages of Why Mommy Is A Democrat:
Democrats make sure we all share our toys, just like Mommy does.

Note the poor homeless bum on the park bench in the background, with the evil rich people passing by uncaringly. (We know they’re evil rich because the lady is carrying a poodle and the man has the morning’s WSJ tucked under his arm. At least I think it’s the WSJ. And he’s smoking a cigar, just like Rush Limbaugh.) So we really know the author isn’t talking about “sharing toys,” he’s talking about redistributing income. He’s contrasting Democrats who want everyone to “share their toys” (i.e., money) to Republicans who are implicitly uncaring and greedy. The author may be using “non-judgmental language” and “warm and whimsical illustrations” but the net result is about as non-judgmental as Pat Robertson smacking a queer upside the head with the Book of Deuteronomy.
It’s telling that the author equates our citizens to children who require adult supervision (i.e., government intervention) in order to “share their toys.” But it’s a pretty retarded analogy. Why? I’d like to see a child provide for his family using his hard-earned toys. Oops, see what I mean? Toys are given to children gratis, whereas income is earned through hard work and wise decisions. And sharing a toy is temporary (the child will get a turn to play with it again later) whereas I doubt some entitlement recipient is going to pay me back my IRS-confiscated and government-laundered handout.
I also resent the implication that non-Democrats are uncaring (he is probably targeting Republicans here, but I’ll lump myself in as a Libertarian too) . It’s not that we don’t want social problems to be fixed; it’s just that we think our government can’t fix things, and will likely only make things even worse (*cough*40-year war on poverty*cough*). A bunch of politicians who are primarily concerned with the next election cycle will be motivated to use redistribution of income schemes to buy votes rather than to provide real solutions to social inequities. (See here for more on this topic.) So the social problems will remain unsolved, while the entrepreneurs whose investments and risk taking provide most of the new jobs in our country will be unfairly taxed for no reason other than to buy votes. In any case, I think that individuals themselves, working through charities and non-profit organizations targeted at a more local level, can produce far better solutions to social problems than an inept, inefficient, and politically-motivated bunch of Washington politicians.
Next:
Democrats make sure we are safe, just like Mommy does.

Real subtle symbology here, using an elephant to represent danger. And how do Democrats make us safe? By appeasement, by being weak on defense, and by eroding our second amendment rights. Let’s all just give peace a chance! Group hug, everybody! Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
And this one:
Democrats make sure children can go to school, just like Mommy does.

Oh 4 fuxsake. Only Democrats care if kids go to school? And the poorly structured sentence is particularly hilarious; is the author saying children can go to school just like Mommy does? Why is Mommy still in school? Teenage pregnancy, no doubt. Note the “Admission: $160,000″ sign hanging on the school in the background, implying that only rich people can afford to go to school if not for actions taken by Democrats. And is that the homeless bum, staring up wistfully at the school, perhaps dreaming of what could have been for him? And yes, there are the two evil rich people from page 1, standing next to their presumed graduating child. Does the “Y” stand for “Yale?” That would be going too far. And what happened to the poodle? Maybe the evil rich people ate it to piss off PETA.
Next, from the Why Daddy Is A Democrat sample pages:
Democrats make sure schools have great teachers.

I could point out an interesting (albeit politically incorrect) fact here for you: teachers are not particularly bright, as a group. Don’t believe me? Look up the average GRE (graduate record examination) scores by intended graduate major (e.g., here, or here or here) and you will find education majors towards the bottom of the pack. (GRE score is strongly correlated to intelligence as measured by IQ tests.) But let’s not blame that on Democrats. Let’s blame the power wielded by the teacher’s union on Democrats, and let’s also highlight the Democrats’ opposition to putting school choice in the hands of parents, e.g., via voucher programs. The end result of their opposition has been a disparity in school quality, segregated pretty much along lines of income, with poorer families being stuck with the worst performing public schools. So much for “sharing the toys.”
Feh, there’s a couple more samples left, but I can’t stomach going through them any more. To offer further rebuttal of this nonsense, and with tongue planted firmly in cheek, I give you my own children’s book (minus the illustrations, because I’m lazy and not particularly talented).
== WHY DADDY IS A LIBERTARIAN ==
Libertarians want to keep bullies from stealing your lunch money.
And by “bullies” I mean the government. And by “lunch money” I mean your income and your property.
Libertarians want to make sure everybody plays fairly and by the rules.
And by “the rules” I mean the Constitution of the United States. As intended by its authors, not as re-interpreted (if not outright ignored) with a nod and a wink by our modern-day politicians, who have grown the size and scope of government far beyond what is wise and what is legal.
Libertarians want to let you stay up late.
Meaning that you, citizens, should be trusted to act responsibly and make responsible decisions on your own without needing a large nanny state to take care of you and make your decisions for you.
Libertarians would love to see you run a lemonade stand or get a paper route.
Meaning that both free enterprise and personal responsibility are good things. And you should be able to engage in free enterprise with an absence (or at least a minimum) of government interference, to include subsidies, over-regulation and red tape, and oppressive taxation.
Libertarians want you to move out of the house when you grow up.
Meaning that you should become a responsible member of society and provide for yourself and your dependents. You should not expect to live your adult life on the largesse of others.
= = = = = = = = = =
In closing, please pardon me for waxing somewhat political in today’s post, but I just couldn’t pass this up. And I’m seriously conflicted about which of my blogs to post this to — The Thinker, or The Stinker. A little too ranting for the first, but a bit too political (and not particularly funny) for the latter. So I’ll compromise and just cross-post it to both. If you want the really funny stuff, you should have gone here instead.
Tags: Humor, Politics, Education // 8 Comments »